BASKETBALL
Basketball is pretty simple, fun to watch, celebs are everywhere, and the fashion is next level, so you might want to tune in! If you haven’t watched any basketball, let’s break it down.
RULES
Each team has five players on the court at the same time. The objective is to bounce or pass the ball from one end of the court to the other and shoot the ball into a raised hoop on either end of the court.
Each team switches between playing offense and defense based on which team has the ball. The team with the ball is on offense, the team without the ball plays defense.
Every player has to dribble (bounce) the ball if they have it, but if they take more than three steps without dribbling the ball it’s called a travel, but don’t think they’re grabbing their passports and Louis Vuitton luggage, because then the other team gets the ball back.
Each time a player gets a ball through the hoop the team gets two points, but, if the player shoots the ball from behind the half-moon shaped line on the court, the team gets three points.
Now, if a guy playing defense gets sassy and hits the guy who has the ball in the arm or hand while the offensive player is shooting, or even goes total Girls Gone Wild with a slap in the face, the defensive player gets a “foul” (five fouls and you’re outta the game, babe).
When there’s a foul, the offensive player stands on a line right in front of the basket and gets two “free throws” in place of the points he could’ve had before if he wasn’t fouled. If the player misses one or both free throws then, [insert profanity here].
Under each hoop, theres a box that’s called “the key,” which the offensive players can’t stay in for more than three seconds, (just about the same amount of time Kim Kardashian was married to former NBA player Kris Humphries) so they run around, trying to get away from the guys on defense, for a pass from their teammate.
Towards the end of the game you might see the losing team fouling the other, which means they’re hoping the player that was fouled misses a free throw and/or it gives the losing team the ball back quickly, for another chance to score.
At the end of the day, whoever got the ball through the hoop the most, drives home in their Lambos, with a smile on their face
POSITIONS
Each position plays offense and defense during the whole game.
Point Guard - The offensive man with the plan. The player gets the ball directs each play throughout the game - like Lin-Manuel Miranda in Hamilton, and he isn’t throwing away his shot either (hopefully). Also, they quite literally point everywhere.
Shooting Guard - Kinda self-explanatory, but they just shoot the ball at the hoop from far away.
Small Forward - The smaller guys on the court, but they’re quick and strong, like your first shot of tequila.
Power Forward - They’re usually tall AF and great at rebounding, not that different from your serial dating roommate.
Center - The tallest dude on the team, he can shoot, rebound, lay-up, and defend with his size. Always helpful with grabbing your highest hanging clothes in the closet too.
COMMON TERMS
Free throw - After a player is fouled, they get two shots without any defense allowed
Rebound - When a player misses a shot, the ball bounces off the hoop without going through the net, the offense or defense catches it again to gain possession of the ball
Charge - An offensive foul that happens when the offensive player pushes the defensive player to get to the hoop
Dunk - When a player jumps in the air with the ball to drop or slam the ball directly into the hoop
Alley-oop - On offense, when one player throws or passes the ball towards the hoop and their teammate catches it mid-air to dunk it through the net
And-1 - If a player is fouled after making a basket, they earn one extra free throw
Posterized - A picture of any offensive player’s awesome dunk worthy of a poster, featuring the sad guy on defense who knows he’s about to look really bad on that poster for the rest of his life. It looks something like this:
SCORING
Baskets from behind the semi-circled line on the court = 3 points
Basket made from inside the semi-circled line = 2 points
Free throw = 1 point